Conflict Resolution at Work: The Essential First Step

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If you Google the phrase Conflict Resolution, you will come up with 7,630,000 entries. That’s a lot of people talking about a subject that people want help with. Why?

When we think about the word conflict, we usually see it as an adversarial position. In other words, me against you or you against me and is often attached to a slew of             uncomfortable feelings like fear, loss, humiliation, hurt, anger, and pain. When we’re at work and think about having a conflict-laden conversation it can feel exhausting and sometimes we become more focused on the conflict than our work, wasting precious time and energy. We perseverate about the situation in our minds and often talk about the issue to everyone except the person we’re having the issue with. We’re up at two in the morning and get headaches and stomachaches just thinking about it.  And for many people, the word conflict is just downright scary.

But what if we didn’t see it as scary?

What if we experienced it as just another conversation and one that had the potential to lead to more understanding and a more productive work environment? The idea would be that you could have a disagreement and talk about your position without feeling fear or pain. If that were the case, you would probably go to work and feel more apt to speak, say what you really think, get more of what you want, and create more collaboration and innovation rather than an argument. How does one do that?

The Essential First Step

The first step towards resolving any type of conflict begins with us. Here, I am defining the word conflict as more than just two or more people having opposing views. Actually, having opposing views in the workplace can be a great source of innovation and creativity. You wouldn’t want to squelch that. If you saw your differences from this perspective, you would very likely not feel upset or challenged but rather see the situation as more of an opportunity.

The question then is, if conflict is more than just two people disagreeing…what is it?   I’ll define it in the following way:

  • It includes getting angry, frustrated, sad, scared, or resentful towards the other person/people you are disagreeing with.
  • In addition, it’s the unfavorable judgment you may hold about this person, such as they’re stupid, lazy, or inept or the judgments you may have about yourself that leads to feeling adversarial.

FOR EXAMPLE

Barb, the company treasurer, disagreed with the senior management’s decision to expand to a second location and saw the expansion as a poor financial decision.  At this point, all they had was a disagreement. Had she stayed calm and open about management’s ideas, together they all could have come up with the best solution. But instead of staying calm, she got angry believing the people on the management team were incapable of running the business competently.  The disagreement then turned into a conflict with two opposing sides and a fair share of blame and anger.

Three Choices for Change

Disengage from your distress

  • Check in with yourself and ask yourself why you’re feeling angry, frustrated, etc. Can you let it go and know that you’re okay and they’re okay and that you just have different views? This alone can help change the entire situation.

Drop the blame

  • If you’re still feeling distressed, try adopting the perspective that everyone in this situation is doing the best they know to do based on their current beliefs and perspectives. They have different views from you but it doesn’t mean that they’re wrong or at fault. This may feel difficult to do at first, but if you can see the other person from this light, you will feel so much more open to working things out.

Deal with the situation directly

  • Take at least one positive step towards working out this situation. This may be as simple as having an informal talk over coffee or maybe it’s letting the other person know that you want to create mutual understanding. As long as your first intention is to create a more favorable relationship, your action will reap results. Remember to keep it simple but concrete.

This first step towards conflict resolution is based on owning our part and creating a more positive way to approach the situation. It is this self-directed initiative that is so very powerful and one which will help you achieve more of what you want.

There are so many tools available for conflict resolution which will lead towards your desired outcome. Stay tuned for more!

To find out how to apply these tools in your work environment click here.

 

 

 

 

 

5 Tips for More Effective Workplace Communication

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We do it all day long. We don’t even know we’re doing it. We have workplace             communication issues and not even sure why. What’s the “it” that we do as easily as breathe? We make assumptions.

Assumptions in the workplace create more havoc than one would imagine simply because we are calling something a “fact” when it is generally far from factual. For example, your co-worker is 20 minutes late for an important meeting that you’re holding at a nearby restaurant. You decide his lateness means he doesn’t respect you and as you sit waiting you begin to get angry and frustrated. What really happened was that he lost the directions, left his phone in the office, and ran like the dickens to show up for this meeting that was important to him as well. Meanwhile, you’re steaming because you thought that his not respecting you was a “fact”, when it was just your assumption.

What can you do when your workplace communications are less than stellar?

1.  Quit “factualizing”

As you sit waiting for your co-worker to arrive or reflect on what you just heard through the grapevine about your being a poor manager or perseverate about what your CEO told the COO about your work, ask yourself this simple question…“Is it true?” Do I have all the facts? If your answer to this question is no, then quit “factualizing”. If you haven’t heard the facts directly from the person, then you really don’t have all the information you need in order to make a clear assessment of the situation. At this point, you only know what you “think” was said or what you “think” happened, which often leads us to feeling angry and frustrated while blaming those around us.

Solution:

  • Allow yourself to think that there might be another perspective.
  • Perhaps there is more information that you don’t yet know.

This may sound too simple but this simple suggestion is really quite effective. It opens the door for other possibilities and increases your curiosity about what really did happen.

2. Ask a Simple Question

A simple question is all you need to clarify what was really said and what was really meant.  For example, “When you told me to call Mr. Jones, you raised your voice. Are you angry with me?” or “When you handed out this week’s assignments, I noticed you didn’t give one to me. How come?” We are not mind-readers nor do we want to be.

Solution: The easiest and most direct way to find out the facts is to simply ask.

Special Note: Check to make sure your question is coming from an easy, comfortable place. If you are angry or blaming as you ask your question, it will only add more fuel to the fire and your question will most likely be construed as criticism.

3. You’re Still in Control

If you can’t get the facts from the person, either because you can’t reach them or they are not forthcoming with an answer, you can know that you still get to decide how you want to view the situation and how you want to respond.  Take the time to think of other possible reasons for this situation until you really know the facts and decide that this other person’s thought or behavior is not something you have to react to.

Solution:

  • Remember that you are the only one who can control how you respond.
  • This will save you from having a huge “headache”.

4. Is This “Good” for Me or “Bad” for Me?

How many times a day do you look at a situation and think the worst? Not that the current challenge or impasse will be good for you, but rather in some way what’s happening is really bad and will have a bad outcome.

If we think something is good for us we correspondingly feel good and when we think something is bad for us we then tend to feel bad. Since you don’t know all the facts yet, why not decide that in some way this situation is good for you?  Maybe you can use the time to more thoroughly think out the meeting plan or maybe take care of e-mails that are awaiting answers. This could also be the perfect opportunity to practice patience and understanding which in itself can be seen as a huge benefit that will lead to a more constructive meeting. So the question here isn’t, “Where the “blankity blank” is he”?

Solution:

  • Instead, a more useful question is, “How is this good for me?”
  • Trust me; this will lead to a more favorable result.

5. Listen with an Open Mind

As you’re listening to your co-worker state the facts, refrain from having a second conversation in your mind about all the things you thought while you were waiting. Let go of thinking about what you want to say and just listen.  This is your golden opportunity to finally get the facts and find out what really happened. Knowing the facts will put you in the best position for a successful outcome and keep you on track for the real purpose of what you both want to accomplish.

Solution:

  • Stay present and listen!
  • Drop any blame or accusation and believe that there is a justified answer. This will result in you showing up with the most receptive attitude.

Making assumptions is the number one workplace communication killer and using the simple steps above will help you achieve huge results. You are the creator of your assumptions, so you’re the only one who can change them.

Final note: Once you stop making assumptions, you will simultaneously be increasing everyone’s sanity.

To find out how to apply these tools in your work environment click here.

 

Workplace Performance and The Energy of YES!

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Did you know that employee well-being has been found to have a direct impact on a company’s bottom line?

According to the recent findings from Gallup, when employees have a high degree of       ell-being they also have a high degree of engagement at work, resulting in greater workplace performance and less loss of money.

The reason for this is that every day those people come to work more consistently, more often give their best efforts, are more apt to perform at peak level, and show up with enthusiasm for what they’re doing. For those employees having a low degree of well-being, the opposite has been found to be true. Gallup estimates that this costs the workforce in the United States more than $300 billion in lost productivity alone.

What underlies a high degree of employee well-being and a high degree of workplace performance? It’s what I like to think of as, the energy of YES! The energy of YES is what’s behind all creative and successful endeavors and spurs us on to accomplishing great things.

What does this mean when we apply this to the workplace environment? It means:

  • Spending more time focusing on what’s working and building on those ideas
  • Knowing, being clear, and going for what you want with your team
  • Listening with the intention to understand instead of a blame and judgment stance
  • Dropping your anger and instead asking non-judgmental, fact-finding questions to figure out the next step
  • Being open to disagreement as a path towards greater productivity

I guarantee that implementing any of the above ideas will result in great changes in your team, yourself, and your productivity. Why? Because all of the above are based on the energy of YES! And the energy of YES always leads to the well-being of all.

If any of the above ideas strikes a chord within you, please let me know so that future blogs can be devoted to more elaboration.

I am looking forward to hearing from you and the results you’ve gotten.

In the meantime, be well!

 

 

Great Communication Leads to Greater Customer Service

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At 7 years old, if I got a penny I spent in on bubble gum. If I had a nickel, I would get some M&M’s. Money would come to me in drips and drabs until one day…I got a charge account for Jack and Goldie’s downstairs candy store. It was clear that business was booming in the sugar industry on Broadway and 204th Street in New York and the dentists were making a fortune on this little girl’s teeth.

What made Jack and Goldie’s candy store so compelling for me? Certainly it was the sugar. But it also was a place I could go to and be treated fairly and with respect. In other  words, they had great customer service…at least where it concerned me.

What makes for great customer service?

It’s an interesting question in this day and age of e-commerce, retail stores, online auctions, and probably still, the local lemonade stand. But great customer service, no matter what kind of store format, has one thing in common, which is to support and help the customer get what they want.  I certainly got what I wanted at Jack and Goldie’s and how they treated me was part of the equation.

What’s the recipe for great customer service? The answer is simple…

Great Communication!

  • It begins with you the leader, the manager, or business owner stating clear and specific desires and intentions to your staff who then translate your vision and intention to the customer.
  • It’s developing an engaged staff that wants the best for you and your business.
  • It’s building a staff that wants the best for the customer.
  • And it means wanting to give. Give what? Give time, expertise, encouragement, an open ear.

Much of this boils down to the simple art of listening. The ability to listen and really hear what your staff or client is really saying lays the foundation for great communication. It’s impossible to have great communication without this key element.

Here’s one simple, yet practical idea as a way to begin. As you listen to those around you today, listen with a curiosity and a sincere desire to understand them. What is this person really saying? Not what you think they said or what you think they mean, but find out what they really mean. Stay curious, stay interested, stay present and see what you learn.

Then drop me a line or two letting me know how it went.

In the meantime, Happy Listening!!